That was Jonathan V Last’s question to his readers the other day. JVL is the Editor of The Bulwark, and he provides three essays (a Triad) each weekday.Thanks for reading More Questions than Answers! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
“Oh how fond they are of the book of Esther, which is so beautifully attuned to their bloodthirsty, vengeful, murderous yearning and hope.” — Martin Luther
I had a somewhat similar experience to your gas station story: I was driving long after dark, and my car (inexplicably we always had beaters) died at a red light and it was raining heavily and I had my two month old daughter in the backseat. There was a fair amount of traffic on the road, and the drivers just honked at me and went around me. I was beside myself, and then from nowhere a man appeared by my car and offered to push me to an adjacent parking lot, which we were able to do very quickly. He looked under the hood and did something, and the car started! I looked up to thank him and he was gone. I thought then, 39 years ago, and still do today, that he was an angel in human form.
I could relate to all your mind-changing events. Really great piece.
I changed my mind about religion. It's been a lengthy process. But you can draw a line from a moment when I was attending the 5th grade at St. Ann's in Shawnee Mission, to now when I never wish to set foot in another church again. Father Burger was teaching class. He had asked me to select a song to play to the class from a set of 45's (small vinyl records). I chose "My Generation" by The Who. It was 1965. I was 10. The song was amazing, so progressive, so different. And with that stuttering "Things they do look awful ca-ca-ca-cold, hope I die before I get old." I was hooked on Rock 'n Roll! I immediately developed a big crush on Father Burger. Later, when Father Burger asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I raised my hand and said "I want to be a priest!" Father Burger said, "Girls can't be priests." This was my first whiff of the stench of Patriarchy. Why couldn't a girl be a priest? What are we, chopped liver? Turns out according to Church Dudes, women are second-class citizens. And have been. For millennia. And now I ask, Why would I possibly continue to be a member of a club that disdains me? I changed my mind about Father Burger and I changed my mind about religion. I investigated Feminism. Meanwhile, my mother taught me all about Motherhood, as she'd go on personal "retreats" leaving me to care for my five siblings. Parentalization is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I now live the life of my dreams without children and without religion.
That was riveting to read. Thank you! I love the way your mind changed. I am not now a member of any religion. I had a very wise father (actual, biological father, not a priest)) who when asked his religion, would reply, "There's only one true religion in the world. And at the moment, I am its sole practitioner." He meant that spirituality can only be authentic when it's personal, internal, private, and non-formulaic. It cannot be authentic when imposed from outside of us. Everyone should be the sole practitioner of their own path. Can't think of anything that's more dangerous or misogynistic than "organized religion."
When Jimmy Carter publicly broke from his own Church (Southern Baptist) it was because they refused to ordain women. God. I love Jimmy Carter.He would totally appreciate what you wrote. ✌🏽(BTW, I'm older than you and I also really liked "My Generation"! Great song)
The more you talk about your father, the more I respect him.
Religion in my household as a young child was saying a harmless goodnight prayer. Then, in second grade, in a new school on the other side of the country I became friends with Ralphie. Ralphie, a Jewish kid, had been under the influence of a Catholic kid, who taught him about hellfire and damnation. One time, Ralphie asked me to go to Saturday school with him. I wasn't really interested. "Well," said Ralphie, "it might make the difference between whether you're up there with those angels or down there with those devils." after I departed the world. I went. I was very surprised to hear not a word about hellfire and damnation. a not infrequent subject. After that year, we moved back east. After a coiuple of moves, we were in a neighborhood where there was a Catholic kid in my new neighborhood, who I became friendly with (and still am, but there hasn't been any religion about him since he was maybe 10). Same hellfire and damnation stuff.
I must have sensed that my father wasn't religious. At 9, I told him I didn't believe in the deity anymore. The hellfire and damnation had pushed me in that direction, but I really didn't believe--and I wasnt an agnostic; I was an atheist. And at 11 or maybe it was 13, I joined a Mormon boy scout troop, which I was in for a couple of years. (My older brother ws in the troop because his best friend was LDS.)
The Mormons treated us very well. No proselytizing. they didn't ask us to give the prayer. And most of the ones we encountered were nice people, and they had a powerful sense of community. (My scoutmaster's wife was the woman responsible for "Well behaved women rarely make history." She was a scholar who studied early American women, and she eventually became a University Professor at Harvard.) Anyway, one of the scouts, an older guy, did try to convert me. And I was attracted because of the sense of community. I did what he suggested, but it didn't get me to believe, although I still have fond feelings for those Mormons.
In college, I decided I didn't know there was no deity, so I "officially" became an agnostic. around three decades later, I realized that the concept of a deity just didn't seem possible to me. The notion that a deity could create a universe out of nothing, etc., and could intervene in earthly affairs, seemed beyond scientific possibility. So once again, I returned to being an atheist, and still am.
“Oh how fond they are of the book of Esther, which is so beautifully attuned to their bloodthirsty, vengeful, murderous yearning and hope.” — Martin Luther
You did have a wise father. Mine was wise, too; however, he came from a long line of priests and nuns, so it would have been difficult for him to break away in his day and age. But you are right, I can't think of anything more dangerous nor misogynistic than "organized" religion. Nor arrogant. Mark and I visited the Vatican a few years ago. I could hardly believe the number of treasures from all corners of the world that Catholic "explorers" had absconded with and deposited there to pay homage to the Pope.
I think because I had been a Buddhist for a long time, and was raised Episcopalian, I have a more tolerant view of many of the people in the church. I came to it late in life, learned a lot of valuable things from my time with the Sisters, and respect them deeply. They never stole treasures from anyone, and the work they do is sacred in my eyes.
But every single one of my friends who were cradle Catholics was appalled and tried to talk me out of being Confirmed! I found that fascinating.
If it makes you feel better, the Church is having to sell massive amounts of high end real estate and treasures, to pay off the pedophile cases. I wish it had been done earlier, to help the poor. Oh well.
Humans are so fucking crazy. Not just "them" but all of us. Just my opinion.
BTW, I'm looking forward to viewing the trailer to your film 😎
I've enjoyed learning about Buddhism and its perspective on illusions of life.
My mom had many nun friends who were brilliant. They wanted to be able to become priests. Of course the patriarchy had an iron grip on that. Did you ever see "Brother Son, Sister Moon?"
I had a similar experience when touring the Vatican. I became literally nauseated by the gold, the religious paintings and sculptures everywhere. And the sarcophagi in “lesser” churches for the donating oligarchs of long ago who had lavished riches so they could be visible to the masses (both meanings of the word) and show off their power and wealth even to their god.
I, a bearded young fellow, was walking down the street in Brooklyn when a car full of, shall we say, fraternity types, yelled out their window, "You f***ing Jew!" I bristled inside, "I am not a Jew!" Then I realized, yes, I am. We all are.
Love love love all these stories! As an actual Pakistani (who has been sometimes mistaken for Iranian, Turkish and Mexican), I’ve decided to grant you honorary status. Welcome to the club!
You perfectly and simultaneously captured not only how ridiculous and arbitrary these designations are but also why it’s wrong to disregard them as meaningless. Because on a fundamental level, the way others perceive you and the way you perceive yourself *is* important in your concept of self-identity. And it can sometimes be jarring when the two don’t align.
DeeDee, your writing is beautiful, and your thoughts so interesting. Here's a story I wrote fairly recently, which I guess in a funny kind of way is about changing my mind.
Oh David that was a wonderful read! Thank you for sharing it.
I also read your incredibly kind and flattering comment on Is he dead or...” and wanted to respond. Ive had houseguests and too many appointments. But I still intend to respond.
And Id like to add that your mother sounds AWESOME! Truly ooly ooly. ❤️
My mother was a pretty amazing person, with some major crosses to bear. She had multiple sclerosis. Her mother had had it as well. I knew, from interviewing a few docs who treated MS patients, that when these patients dealt with their psychology, they sometimes improved. So, I started asking my mother questions about her childhood, about which, she'd always said, each year was better than the previous one.
She told me that when she was 9, she tried to make a deal with God--take me by next thursday, and give my mother back her life. When next thursday came and went, and nothing happened, she realized she couldn't save her mother, so she began distancing herself. My grandmother died when my mother was 17.
Another problem she had was that her father played favorites, and gave her slightly younger sister much more attention than he gave her. At age 6, she emotionally disowned her father.
My grandmother was probably pretty amazing, too. She was likely the first female Coloradan to earn a PhD (labor relations). Her brother ran the Colorado Democratic Party for most of the first half of the last century.
I think my maternal aunt--also an amazing character--would likely have known your father. My aunt was a PhD social worker who taught gerontology at Hunter, and became acting president after Donna Shalala left.
And thanks for the heart (How do you do that?) Please don't worry about responding while you have houseguests!
Walking backward! Your mom was awesome, David--and she knew you’d get the msg eventually!
As for the heart: on your phone, when your keyboard is showing look for a smiley face at bottom left. Clicking on it will open a whole world of little pics you can add to text, just keep swiping left and click when you see what you want to add. Have fun! 👍🏻🎉❤️
> I went from believing “All chain stores sell the same things in each location.”
> to “Big businesses need regulations because human greed is powerful, ugly, and requires strict regulations.”
> It pushed me pretty hard to the Left politically. The system needs serious tweaking.
I → was ← a card carrying member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy ™ for 25 years, preaching the gospel of Milton Friedman and laissez-faire free market capitalism, until reality hit me on the side of the head with a freight train in the form of a destructive and expensive lawsuit by my H.O.A.; which led to several more lawsuits over the next 7 years.
Since I was only middle class, I could not really afford a lawyer, so I represented myself in court. Which allowed me to see how the law actually works, and more importantly, how it does → not ← work.
A lot can be written about that subject -- maybe I should start a Substack -- but here are a few takeaways that come to mind right now:
• Corporations are a government distortion of a free market. Ayn Randian types who says things like "government should not interfere in the economy" but defends "corporate personhood" should be taken out behind the woodshed and given a lesson with the "2x4 of Education".
† Since corporations are "legal persons", but lack a conscience, empathy, and morals, they are by definition sociopaths. I thought I was very clever for figuring this out, before discovering that I was far from the first to do so.
• The Ideological Right -- conservatives and libertarians -- will reluctantly admit that protecting consumers from fraud is an appropriate role for government. But that's just a P.R. talking point. When it comes to actual policy, they oppose meaningful consumer protections because they are more than content with the abusive, fraudulent, and predatory business practices of corporations.
• The Ideological Right rationalizes any form and degree of inequality by paying lip service to "equality before the law". But when one party in a civil suit can afford unlimited legal representation, and the other party can afford none, then there exists a gross and unconscionable imbalance of power that is a recipe for disaster.
• Just because a document is enforced as a contract does not mean that one party agreed to it
• Just because a document is enforced as a contract does not mean that it should be enforced.
† This is something that the Ideological Right has no problem with when it comes to outlawing contracts that require mandatory membership in a labor union as a condition of employment. But they then turn around and act as though contracts that require mandatory membership in an H.O.A. corporation as a condition of home ownership is sacred and untouchable, even when → children ← are endangered or otherwise harmed.
• Given some of the stories about H.O.A. abuse of not just veterans, but active duty military personnel -- including those on deployment -- the Ideological Right does → not ← Support the Troops ™ .
• The Ideological Right are a bunch of closet communists, who fetishize collective ownership and fantasize about being able to tell other people what they can do with their own property.
• The Ideological Left -- liberals and progressives -- are a bunch of frauds. Oh wait, I believed that for 25 years, although there was a few years where I took them at their word before learning I was more right about them the first time than I realized.
Fascinating! And welcome back from the Idealogical Right!. Welcome to the middle way! Thank you so much for this. My HOA improved when one person moved to Belize. I hope yours improves somehow too!
Oh my word, that first example. I am outraged on your behalf! Thank you for sharing.
The things I've changed my mind about are all parenting related (well, the ones I can think of right now, anyway). The idea of training a child the same way you'd train a dog sounded logical before I was a mum, but sounds awful now I have my own little ones. Sleep training made sense to me before kids but doesn't now. Going back to work immediately felt like it would be my preferred choice, but I've been a stay at home mum for 4 years and counting, by choice... I think it's important to keep an open mind and allow yourself change. It's so much healthier than being rigid.
I love JVL. (Full disclosure: his mother-in-law is one of my dearest friends). And I loved reading your three things you’ve changed your mind about. Number 3 was absolutely disgusting and something I had no idea about. I’m still working on my Three Things. I’ve gotten as far as #1 and it’s the biggest. God loves me. I’m an 80-year-old Catholic, whose religious instruction was memorizing the Baltimore Catechism. My Catholic mother died when I was eight; if she had lived I probably would’ve learned this so much sooner. As it was, my dad sent my sister and me off to Church and Sunday School each week with my grandfather, who lived with us. I was in my late 30s before I discovered the most important fact of my life.
JVL is a deeply lovable young man. You're lucky to know him and Shannon. Thank you for reading my little essays, and for generously and kindly commenting. I'm gearing up to publish more soon, but I'm not very "tech-knowledgey" if you know what I mean. It's nice to meet you, Bonnie, See you around the comment sections and Notes. Thanks again for sharing on here. ♥️ And yes, that God loves us is a critical mind-set... just hard to arrive at. So Brava!! 👏🏼
He and Shannon are wonderful. I don’t know what my friend Peg would have done without them and the rest of her family when her husband passed away last November. But you reap what you sow. And she and Jack sowed the best.
That was so rough. And I grieved with them when I found out why JVL was away. And now he's working so hard to save our Democracy! We can't let our brilliant Constitution die. America is such a glorious idea, and it worked well for a couple hundred years. Long may we wave.
Jack was my husband Joe’s best friend. Joe had Jack as a student for 8th grade math, then they taught together and then they bonded over their love of Duke University basketball and the New York Mets. Joe would have turned 93 tomorrow…
I so admire JVL’s work. I pray that he’s right and that Biden can win in November. Yes, he’s old, yes, he’s made mistakes, but he loves our country and he’s not demented.
Flexibility seems like the only option when everything changes all the time!
I hope you and your child create many happy memories.
When my grandkids were small, I volunteered at their preschool, just to be near them. And take pictures. It was a wonderful time. And over too quickly! Now theyre both legal adults, over 6’ tall, and at universities thousands of miles away!
Hug that child of yours, and create many happy, meaningful memories together. ♥️
What a beautiful essay. Much needed after reading our Prince of Darkness on the Triad.
Hahha. Thank you.
Don’t we all hope JVL is wrong, but suspect he’s not?
Powerful 3 items, DeeDee. I often think of the lyrics from Amazing Grace: "...twas blind, but now I see. "
Yes. Perfect.
If JVL is always wrong (like Ross Douthat wrong), the world will be the Garden of Eden before the serpent succeeded.
The Bible is bullshit . . .
The Jewish god Yahweh, the locust master, the one who drowned the world?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
We Can't Afford Healthcare for American Children Because We Must Keep Bombing Everyone Else's for the Love of Jesus and Israel . . .
https://cwspangle.substack.com/p/we-cant-afford-healthcare-for-american
_____________________________________________________________________________________
“Oh how fond they are of the book of Esther, which is so beautifully attuned to their bloodthirsty, vengeful, murderous yearning and hope.” — Martin Luther
https://cwspangle.substack.com/p/oh-how-fond-they-are-of-the-book
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I had a somewhat similar experience to your gas station story: I was driving long after dark, and my car (inexplicably we always had beaters) died at a red light and it was raining heavily and I had my two month old daughter in the backseat. There was a fair amount of traffic on the road, and the drivers just honked at me and went around me. I was beside myself, and then from nowhere a man appeared by my car and offered to push me to an adjacent parking lot, which we were able to do very quickly. He looked under the hood and did something, and the car started! I looked up to thank him and he was gone. I thought then, 39 years ago, and still do today, that he was an angel in human form.
I could relate to all your mind-changing events. Really great piece.
Wow Gwen! yeah... I'm good with calling him an angel! Maybe your tiny daughter's guardian? Who knows? 😇
I changed my mind about religion. It's been a lengthy process. But you can draw a line from a moment when I was attending the 5th grade at St. Ann's in Shawnee Mission, to now when I never wish to set foot in another church again. Father Burger was teaching class. He had asked me to select a song to play to the class from a set of 45's (small vinyl records). I chose "My Generation" by The Who. It was 1965. I was 10. The song was amazing, so progressive, so different. And with that stuttering "Things they do look awful ca-ca-ca-cold, hope I die before I get old." I was hooked on Rock 'n Roll! I immediately developed a big crush on Father Burger. Later, when Father Burger asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I raised my hand and said "I want to be a priest!" Father Burger said, "Girls can't be priests." This was my first whiff of the stench of Patriarchy. Why couldn't a girl be a priest? What are we, chopped liver? Turns out according to Church Dudes, women are second-class citizens. And have been. For millennia. And now I ask, Why would I possibly continue to be a member of a club that disdains me? I changed my mind about Father Burger and I changed my mind about religion. I investigated Feminism. Meanwhile, my mother taught me all about Motherhood, as she'd go on personal "retreats" leaving me to care for my five siblings. Parentalization is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I now live the life of my dreams without children and without religion.
That was riveting to read. Thank you! I love the way your mind changed. I am not now a member of any religion. I had a very wise father (actual, biological father, not a priest)) who when asked his religion, would reply, "There's only one true religion in the world. And at the moment, I am its sole practitioner." He meant that spirituality can only be authentic when it's personal, internal, private, and non-formulaic. It cannot be authentic when imposed from outside of us. Everyone should be the sole practitioner of their own path. Can't think of anything that's more dangerous or misogynistic than "organized religion."
When Jimmy Carter publicly broke from his own Church (Southern Baptist) it was because they refused to ordain women. God. I love Jimmy Carter.He would totally appreciate what you wrote. ✌🏽(BTW, I'm older than you and I also really liked "My Generation"! Great song)
Agree with "God love Jimmy Carter." I admire both he and Roslyn so...walking the talk.
The more you talk about your father, the more I respect him.
Religion in my household as a young child was saying a harmless goodnight prayer. Then, in second grade, in a new school on the other side of the country I became friends with Ralphie. Ralphie, a Jewish kid, had been under the influence of a Catholic kid, who taught him about hellfire and damnation. One time, Ralphie asked me to go to Saturday school with him. I wasn't really interested. "Well," said Ralphie, "it might make the difference between whether you're up there with those angels or down there with those devils." after I departed the world. I went. I was very surprised to hear not a word about hellfire and damnation. a not infrequent subject. After that year, we moved back east. After a coiuple of moves, we were in a neighborhood where there was a Catholic kid in my new neighborhood, who I became friendly with (and still am, but there hasn't been any religion about him since he was maybe 10). Same hellfire and damnation stuff.
I must have sensed that my father wasn't religious. At 9, I told him I didn't believe in the deity anymore. The hellfire and damnation had pushed me in that direction, but I really didn't believe--and I wasnt an agnostic; I was an atheist. And at 11 or maybe it was 13, I joined a Mormon boy scout troop, which I was in for a couple of years. (My older brother ws in the troop because his best friend was LDS.)
The Mormons treated us very well. No proselytizing. they didn't ask us to give the prayer. And most of the ones we encountered were nice people, and they had a powerful sense of community. (My scoutmaster's wife was the woman responsible for "Well behaved women rarely make history." She was a scholar who studied early American women, and she eventually became a University Professor at Harvard.) Anyway, one of the scouts, an older guy, did try to convert me. And I was attracted because of the sense of community. I did what he suggested, but it didn't get me to believe, although I still have fond feelings for those Mormons.
In college, I decided I didn't know there was no deity, so I "officially" became an agnostic. around three decades later, I realized that the concept of a deity just didn't seem possible to me. The notion that a deity could create a universe out of nothing, etc., and could intervene in earthly affairs, seemed beyond scientific possibility. So once again, I returned to being an atheist, and still am.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
We Can't Afford Healthcare for American Children Because We Must Keep Bombing Everyone Else's for the Love of Jesus and Israel . . .
https://cwspangle.substack.com/p/we-cant-afford-healthcare-for-american
_____________________________________________________________________________________
“Oh how fond they are of the book of Esther, which is so beautifully attuned to their bloodthirsty, vengeful, murderous yearning and hope.” — Martin Luther
https://cwspangle.substack.com/p/oh-how-fond-they-are-of-the-book
_____________________________________________________________________________________
You did have a wise father. Mine was wise, too; however, he came from a long line of priests and nuns, so it would have been difficult for him to break away in his day and age. But you are right, I can't think of anything more dangerous nor misogynistic than "organized" religion. Nor arrogant. Mark and I visited the Vatican a few years ago. I could hardly believe the number of treasures from all corners of the world that Catholic "explorers" had absconded with and deposited there to pay homage to the Pope.
I think because I had been a Buddhist for a long time, and was raised Episcopalian, I have a more tolerant view of many of the people in the church. I came to it late in life, learned a lot of valuable things from my time with the Sisters, and respect them deeply. They never stole treasures from anyone, and the work they do is sacred in my eyes.
But every single one of my friends who were cradle Catholics was appalled and tried to talk me out of being Confirmed! I found that fascinating.
If it makes you feel better, the Church is having to sell massive amounts of high end real estate and treasures, to pay off the pedophile cases. I wish it had been done earlier, to help the poor. Oh well.
Humans are so fucking crazy. Not just "them" but all of us. Just my opinion.
BTW, I'm looking forward to viewing the trailer to your film 😎
I've enjoyed learning about Buddhism and its perspective on illusions of life.
My mom had many nun friends who were brilliant. They wanted to be able to become priests. Of course the patriarchy had an iron grip on that. Did you ever see "Brother Son, Sister Moon?"
As for the trailer, here's a link for you:
https://vimeo.com/816725893?share=copy
Zeffirelli is one of
My favorites! . I must have watched BSSM at least 8 times. beautifully done. Francis and Clare were just Flower Children, at the end of the day. ❤️
Those crazy H. sapiens! Big brains. Don't know how to use 'em! Come up with all manner of nonsense!
The words to the Tool song Right In Two. Silly monkeys.
I've never heard of Tool or that song. But the first two sentences are my own from at least a decade ago.
I had a similar experience when touring the Vatican. I became literally nauseated by the gold, the religious paintings and sculptures everywhere. And the sarcophagi in “lesser” churches for the donating oligarchs of long ago who had lavished riches so they could be visible to the masses (both meanings of the word) and show off their power and wealth even to their god.
Seeing beyond the veil can bring a visceral reaction like that, for sure!
That was so good – vivid and quietly powerful! Made me feel like I was there. Thank you for sharing with us 👏
I, a bearded young fellow, was walking down the street in Brooklyn when a car full of, shall we say, fraternity types, yelled out their window, "You f***ing Jew!" I bristled inside, "I am not a Jew!" Then I realized, yes, I am. We all are.
❤️
Love love love all these stories! As an actual Pakistani (who has been sometimes mistaken for Iranian, Turkish and Mexican), I’ve decided to grant you honorary status. Welcome to the club!
You perfectly and simultaneously captured not only how ridiculous and arbitrary these designations are but also why it’s wrong to disregard them as meaningless. Because on a fundamental level, the way others perceive you and the way you perceive yourself *is* important in your concept of self-identity. And it can sometimes be jarring when the two don’t align.
I thought I'd responded to this, and D'Oh! Didn't post it! Apologies.
Thank you for granting me honorary Pakistani status! I accept with pride ❤️
🙏🏽
Wow. Just wow.
Thank you so much.
DeeDee, your writing is beautiful, and your thoughts so interesting. Here's a story I wrote fairly recently, which I guess in a funny kind of way is about changing my mind.
https://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/The-home-forum/2020/0805/heeding-her-invitation-six-decades-later
Oh David that was a wonderful read! Thank you for sharing it.
I also read your incredibly kind and flattering comment on Is he dead or...” and wanted to respond. Ive had houseguests and too many appointments. But I still intend to respond.
And Id like to add that your mother sounds AWESOME! Truly ooly ooly. ❤️
DeeDee,
Thank you for the compliment on my story.
My mother was a pretty amazing person, with some major crosses to bear. She had multiple sclerosis. Her mother had had it as well. I knew, from interviewing a few docs who treated MS patients, that when these patients dealt with their psychology, they sometimes improved. So, I started asking my mother questions about her childhood, about which, she'd always said, each year was better than the previous one.
She told me that when she was 9, she tried to make a deal with God--take me by next thursday, and give my mother back her life. When next thursday came and went, and nothing happened, she realized she couldn't save her mother, so she began distancing herself. My grandmother died when my mother was 17.
Another problem she had was that her father played favorites, and gave her slightly younger sister much more attention than he gave her. At age 6, she emotionally disowned her father.
My grandmother was probably pretty amazing, too. She was likely the first female Coloradan to earn a PhD (labor relations). Her brother ran the Colorado Democratic Party for most of the first half of the last century.
I think my maternal aunt--also an amazing character--would likely have known your father. My aunt was a PhD social worker who taught gerontology at Hunter, and became acting president after Donna Shalala left.
And thanks for the heart (How do you do that?) Please don't worry about responding while you have houseguests!
Walking backward! Your mom was awesome, David--and she knew you’d get the msg eventually!
As for the heart: on your phone, when your keyboard is showing look for a smiley face at bottom left. Clicking on it will open a whole world of little pics you can add to text, just keep swiping left and click when you see what you want to add. Have fun! 👍🏻🎉❤️
> I went from believing “All chain stores sell the same things in each location.”
> to “Big businesses need regulations because human greed is powerful, ugly, and requires strict regulations.”
> It pushed me pretty hard to the Left politically. The system needs serious tweaking.
I → was ← a card carrying member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy ™ for 25 years, preaching the gospel of Milton Friedman and laissez-faire free market capitalism, until reality hit me on the side of the head with a freight train in the form of a destructive and expensive lawsuit by my H.O.A.; which led to several more lawsuits over the next 7 years.
Since I was only middle class, I could not really afford a lawyer, so I represented myself in court. Which allowed me to see how the law actually works, and more importantly, how it does → not ← work.
A lot can be written about that subject -- maybe I should start a Substack -- but here are a few takeaways that come to mind right now:
• Corporations are a government distortion of a free market. Ayn Randian types who says things like "government should not interfere in the economy" but defends "corporate personhood" should be taken out behind the woodshed and given a lesson with the "2x4 of Education".
† Since corporations are "legal persons", but lack a conscience, empathy, and morals, they are by definition sociopaths. I thought I was very clever for figuring this out, before discovering that I was far from the first to do so.
• The Ideological Right -- conservatives and libertarians -- will reluctantly admit that protecting consumers from fraud is an appropriate role for government. But that's just a P.R. talking point. When it comes to actual policy, they oppose meaningful consumer protections because they are more than content with the abusive, fraudulent, and predatory business practices of corporations.
• The Ideological Right rationalizes any form and degree of inequality by paying lip service to "equality before the law". But when one party in a civil suit can afford unlimited legal representation, and the other party can afford none, then there exists a gross and unconscionable imbalance of power that is a recipe for disaster.
• Just because a document is enforced as a contract does not mean that one party agreed to it
• Just because a document is enforced as a contract does not mean that it should be enforced.
† This is something that the Ideological Right has no problem with when it comes to outlawing contracts that require mandatory membership in a labor union as a condition of employment. But they then turn around and act as though contracts that require mandatory membership in an H.O.A. corporation as a condition of home ownership is sacred and untouchable, even when → children ← are endangered or otherwise harmed.
• Given some of the stories about H.O.A. abuse of not just veterans, but active duty military personnel -- including those on deployment -- the Ideological Right does → not ← Support the Troops ™ .
• The Ideological Right are a bunch of closet communists, who fetishize collective ownership and fantasize about being able to tell other people what they can do with their own property.
• The Ideological Left -- liberals and progressives -- are a bunch of frauds. Oh wait, I believed that for 25 years, although there was a few years where I took them at their word before learning I was more right about them the first time than I realized.
Fascinating! And welcome back from the Idealogical Right!. Welcome to the middle way! Thank you so much for this. My HOA improved when one person moved to Belize. I hope yours improves somehow too!
This is one of the best things I’ve ever read. Thank you. I’ll have to think some on my “big things that changed my mind.”
And your generous comment is one of the best things I'VE ever read! Thank you so much sammijo ♥️
Oh my word, that first example. I am outraged on your behalf! Thank you for sharing.
The things I've changed my mind about are all parenting related (well, the ones I can think of right now, anyway). The idea of training a child the same way you'd train a dog sounded logical before I was a mum, but sounds awful now I have my own little ones. Sleep training made sense to me before kids but doesn't now. Going back to work immediately felt like it would be my preferred choice, but I've been a stay at home mum for 4 years and counting, by choice... I think it's important to keep an open mind and allow yourself change. It's so much healthier than being rigid.
I love JVL. (Full disclosure: his mother-in-law is one of my dearest friends). And I loved reading your three things you’ve changed your mind about. Number 3 was absolutely disgusting and something I had no idea about. I’m still working on my Three Things. I’ve gotten as far as #1 and it’s the biggest. God loves me. I’m an 80-year-old Catholic, whose religious instruction was memorizing the Baltimore Catechism. My Catholic mother died when I was eight; if she had lived I probably would’ve learned this so much sooner. As it was, my dad sent my sister and me off to Church and Sunday School each week with my grandfather, who lived with us. I was in my late 30s before I discovered the most important fact of my life.
JVL is a deeply lovable young man. You're lucky to know him and Shannon. Thank you for reading my little essays, and for generously and kindly commenting. I'm gearing up to publish more soon, but I'm not very "tech-knowledgey" if you know what I mean. It's nice to meet you, Bonnie, See you around the comment sections and Notes. Thanks again for sharing on here. ♥️ And yes, that God loves us is a critical mind-set... just hard to arrive at. So Brava!! 👏🏼
He and Shannon are wonderful. I don’t know what my friend Peg would have done without them and the rest of her family when her husband passed away last November. But you reap what you sow. And she and Jack sowed the best.
That was so rough. And I grieved with them when I found out why JVL was away. And now he's working so hard to save our Democracy! We can't let our brilliant Constitution die. America is such a glorious idea, and it worked well for a couple hundred years. Long may we wave.
Jack was my husband Joe’s best friend. Joe had Jack as a student for 8th grade math, then they taught together and then they bonded over their love of Duke University basketball and the New York Mets. Joe would have turned 93 tomorrow…
I so admire JVL’s work. I pray that he’s right and that Biden can win in November. Yes, he’s old, yes, he’s made mistakes, but he loves our country and he’s not demented.
I’ll be looking forward to reading what you post next.
Thank you.
Gracias, Manuel 🙏🏼
I agree with you completely!
Flexibility seems like the only option when everything changes all the time!
I hope you and your child create many happy memories.
When my grandkids were small, I volunteered at their preschool, just to be near them. And take pictures. It was a wonderful time. And over too quickly! Now theyre both legal adults, over 6’ tall, and at universities thousands of miles away!
Hug that child of yours, and create many happy, meaningful memories together. ♥️